I can't remember what happened this week. And I suppose that's good.

But, wait!
There's something in my mind about the school practice evacuation. Yes, I remember the entire school had to flood out of one door into the stadium. And I was supposed to sit with my class but I couldn't find them for a while. When I found them there was no place to sit or stand. I saw Edric but I couldn't talk to him because of the chaotic situation we were in. But I mouthed out the words "this sucks" and pretended to slit my throat. He probably understood.
When we got back into school the power was out. And that was fun.

And oh!
I remember something else. I don't want to remember it, but as I still feel the effects of it I can't shrug it off. I'm so put out for some reason. I hate this feeling.Wish someone would call me on their own will. That's never happened before in my life. I feel so unwanted and unnoticed. No one talks to me unless I talk to them. No one cares how I am doing. And I feel like crying.
This is what it feels like to think.
I hope it's just me thinking this and not truly reality.
This is one of those days where everything is bland and nothing makes sense. Do you know what I'm talking about? In the midst of pure joy, I can't feel anything except lonely and unworthy. And probably self-pity.

Anyways I took this emotion and developed it into pure agony. And that's how I went to sleep. And that's how I woke up. And it's wearing off but it will come agan when I am reminded how worthless I am by the world around me.

But wait! There's more! (there's always more than what you see)
I was informed yesterday that my mother was in the hospital. A long story, but no one knows for sure what's going on. After many tests, nothing has been determinded. One possibility is that she could have had a minor stroke behind her eye. Capillaries behind on her eyes might have been blcoked or something. She's seeing double.

Wait for it...wait for it...ah! more!
Yesterday I endured a bus ride home only to be slapped on the ass by a bratty little hellion- neighbor kid. I punched him in the back, although I wanted to kick him in the nuts, where it woud have counted. I am utterly disgusted with the youth these days. They are brought up in corruption. Yes I know I am young too, but I grew up learning to respect people.

Etc...!
Today when I got home I was locked out of the house. I tried everything possible to get every door and window on the house open and nothing worked. And I was worried that my dad wouldn't get home until late, like 1 am. He was at the hospital with my mom. I didn't know what to do with myself so I took a nap on the porch and worried myself to sleep. And when I woke up I tried the doors again. It didn't work of course. So it was getting dark and I was sitting on the porch in a stupor shaking my feet uncontrolably. But I wanted to. I was trying to keep a record on how long I could bang my foot against the porch. But it stopped when I heard the phone ring and then the answering machine. I put my ear up against the window and tried to listen to it. I couldn't tell all of what it said, but it was my dad and he sounded upset and I knew he was at the hospital. I sat down again and continued my repetive-foot-hitting-the-porch-motions and started thinking about what it would be like if my mother were to die. I couldn't help but cry. I found a pillow and died in it. And then I laid down on it and preceded the foot shaking without thinking anything. And then I decided as it was getting very dark I should go to the neighbor's house and use their phone. As I was walking up the driveway wondering how I was going to tell my neighbors what had happened, I saw my dad and mom turn onto the street. Thank you Lord.

Oh my! Randomness!
I am better now. This week is over with. Well, almost.
Tom has an obsession with bowler hats.
Edric says sweet things. And I am scared. But happy.
"Let it be let it be", says Paul McCartney.
It's very stuffy in this room.
INCUBUS!
I need water.
I copied Alex when I saw his music link thingy.
I really wish I had a gerbil to play with right now.
Also I attached a pen to my bra.
Now I am cold.
All is full of love.
In conclusion I am lame.
Edric said, "moo, cause I am a cow"
He also said "I see it everday when i look in your eyes." This refers to something pretty. I was thinking of a most peaceful landscape behind my church, but whatever. Edric is a pretty soul. I like when people can see me. You know, the person no one else sees because they don't look. Maybe that's why I was invisible in to everyone but him in his dream.
I had a carmel apple with peanuts on it.
It's so much better, when everyone is in.
Seafoam green in fashion, and other Incubus induced randomness...
Don't read this.
Too late.

May the Lord's face shine upon you, all my lovely journal readers.

I hope this blesses you somehow. I really do.