Things feel aimless

Yes.

But there will be a day when they won't. I think. I hope that You will come soon, Jesus. But to say that I feel horribly pretentious to assume I really want it badly when I feel absolutely nothing, my soul seems adrift and too small, my yearnings non-existant/insignificant, my suffering not realized as a joy, my time not realized as important, and basically I don't have the capacity to understand the substance of what I just said. I wonder when the point comes that I'll understand. It might be a mere second in time that it all comes and leaves as fast as it came or maybe it will be in the midst of complete upheaval of everything I hold dear on this earth, perhaps like a shroud of depression once again, perhaps like nothing I can imagine. I hope for the latter. Let the Lord overturn everything I know in ways I can't imagine so I don't have to expect things that have been done before but His perfect nature which is unimaginable and is iconoclastic in every way to my terms and ideas.
Just where is the point when say becomes do? I can't find it and I feel horribly vulnerable to more aimlessness and drifting and more and more and more ignorance and indifference.

Uh so anyways, yes. And no! No no no.