So apparently this thing is supposed to be updated.

Okay then. Something I have learned/thought about recently:
Why try?
I don't think my life is about trying to figure out right and wrong, those come along the way if I am able to dicern clearly. I've just observed all these people, like religious ones, who spend their life trying to apply labels on what is right and wrong. And then there's all these people that don't think that's right and so they turn away from it all and decide there is no point to anything anymore, and right and wrong is in the mind. Maybe they are both right, but honestly I don't think I can waste any more time thinking about these labels and which group I should belong to. Strangely enough, this week I got sent an email about this sermon Bono gave to the President and some other people. And he said in it that basically we need to get involved in what God has already blessed, like the poor(and his specific example was all the starving people in Africa) instead of doing what we feel and asking God to bless it. Honestly that doesnt' make sense. Since we're imperfect and wrong about everything it's just a waste to assume that God is going to bless what you're doing.
So anyways, this is just what I've thought about and it's sort of tied in with all this pressure lately I get with school work and competition in school and choosing a college and ultimately the direction for the rest of my life with a well fitted career. I suppose there's still a pressure to succeed, but now it's more directed to what's most important and that is to serve my Lord, not myself and not others. I mean there is no point to try to succeed, get to the top, and then die. That's how life goes, especially in this highly competitive captialist society I live in. So I'm still stuck on what others tell me must be very important to me and what my heart tells me is most important. I don't want to go anywhere in this society and yet I am still dragged along with it and I know that sometimes it's by my own will. I guess I can't be right. I don't know what I really mean to say here. These thoughts haven't completely formed into nice little boxy shapes I can hold in my hands and turn around and around again till I get it. None will. It's something hard for me to accept but I'll have to. The rest of my life I'm going to have to be constantly reminded of these things I forget, and constantly reminded I don't get it at all and I'm so small. Damn human condition.
Please have mercy Lord. It's one of those things where I don't know what to think, say, do, be and I wrote it down here and now I'm stuck with trying to find an ending and I always think if I just ended it like Aaron Weiss and say "G-d have mercy on us!" it would end perfectly, but that's not me. I don't think about that and I don't care and I think it's probably best to just get that out instead of lying to You and myself. How could I ever deceive You anyways? I'm sorry. I think that's the best I can do and still be a little honest because I know it makes me feel rather inadequate and crappy. It translates to something like sorry.