I'm lost

Don't believe anything I say anymore. I am not myself. And I am doubting everything. God have mercy on me, if you are there. This hour feels so dark and desperate. I can't breathe.

I'm faint and fading fast, I see a darkness And I shall be released. I'll pass like a fever from this body, And softly slip into his hands

OH LORD PLEASE BE WITH ME! OH PLEASE REVEAL YOURSELF! I need to believe so badly that all of this is real. I need You. I need You. I NEED YOU. Oh! My heart hurts so bad. I don't know why. As I write this, every fiber in my body aches and screams out your name. But I feel like I must be calling to no one. Make this complete darkness go away. I can no longer live with doubt. I swear I'm going to wake up in a shell tomorrow and I won't notice. This is agony. This is agony, agony! All this I say screaming my lungs out in terror, my mouth is open wide and my eyes are burning. My entire body trembles and I think I've lost it all. Oh please don't let me loose You. Me without You is nothing.

I'm nothing and I doubt everything. I doubt this matters at all. Someone is going to tell me soon I'm pitching a big fit over nothing. That's true, it's nothing that I'm so concerned with. I won't let it swallow me up again. Oh please no.